you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
