the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
