Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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