Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
