She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
