I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
