My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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