I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
