Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
