I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
