a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
