Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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