Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
