Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
