Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
