You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I did not marry a roomba.
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