Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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