She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need to calm my uterus...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
