Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
