I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
