Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
