When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
