Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
