So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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