4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
