Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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