recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
