He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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