But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
