Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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