i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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