it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
