Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
