last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
