dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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