a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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