So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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