they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
