I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hell yes lets make some ravioli
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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