So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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