I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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