If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
