Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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