Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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