Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
