so that wasnt chicken after all
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
