i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
