if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
