i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
