Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
