I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
