if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
