haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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