I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
