Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
