i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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