I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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